Been missing my father the whole day, and coincidentally having a spiritual conversation with Max before bed.

Max: Mommy, why do we have to pray before sleeping?

Me: Hmm… So that we’ll be safe during our sleep. We ask Allah for safety, just like we pray before eating or leaving the house.

Max: But (when we’re sleeping) we’re not doing anything or go anywhere, just sleep. If we’re eating we can get choked and died. If we’re leaving the house we can get hit by a car and died. But sleeping is doing nothing.

…tough…I’m thinking for a moment…

Me: Do u know? When we’re sleeping we’re actually flying around.

Max: Really??? (Excited face)

Me: Not our body but our soul’s flying around.

…silence…

Max: u mean like a ghost?

Me: Hahaha!! something like that… But we call it ruh. Allah gave us our body only for temporary, it can died. But our ruh will last forever, and ruh needs a body to live. So what happen when we’re sleeping? The ruh is leaving the body and wandering around. When ruh is coming back to the body, then we’re awake from our sleep. But if it’s not coming back because of lost can’t find the way back, or because the body is damaged so the ruh can’t get inside anymore, then we’re dead.

Max: like Kakek?

Me: yes

…silence…

Max: so when I’m sleeping, I’m dead?

Me: only for temporary until you’re awake, yes.

…silence…

Max: do u think Kakek is flying around right now?

Me: maybe, only Allah knows.

Max: wow! It’s super cool! I want to be like Kakek too mommy!

Me: but then we can’t see each others anymore. And you can’t play with me, daddy and zac anymore.

Max: I can still see you, right?

Me: Maybe, but then you can’t hug and kiss us anymore. Do you want that?

Max: no

…silence…

Max: then I don’t want to sleep anymore.

Me: why?

Max: I’m scared I’m not coming back, lost.

Me: (AHA!!!) That’s why we have to pray before sleeping. Allah decide when and how we died. But we can always pray and ask for our safety anytime, including when we’re asleep. We pray for our ruh to be safe and find its way back home to our body, so that we can play together again.

بِاسْمِكَ اللّهُمَّ أَحْيَاوَأَمُوتُ

BismikaAllahumma ahya wa amutu

Dengan nama-Mu ya Allah aku hidup dan mati

~Moment like this, make me missed you more than before. Rest in peace, Dad wherever you are. Alfatihah…~

اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لَهُ الَّلهُمَّ ثَبِّتْهُ

Allaahum-maghfir lahu Allaahumma thabbithu.O Allah, forgive him. O Allah, strengthen him.